Life issues you heartbreaks everyday. It's almost a rite of passage in this reality to endure tragedy as harsh as that may sound. The reason I say this is because we all are unable to escape it. No matter how hard we try, life makes us cry. Death is a part of this reality, we are born to die, is what many I know love to say and they are right.
How do you handle grief? What do you do with a broken heart? More importantly, how do you move on when feeling as if it was your fault? Grief has many stages and knowing what stage you are in can make all the difference in the world. Before you are out of the grieving process you will feel as if your emotions are on a rollercoaster that's not letting you off. No matter what the loss, you will grieve. No matter if you were able to stop it, you will feel some level of responsiblity. No matter how long ago it happened, you will never forget. You will feel as if you are living your life in a bubble of what if's, and regret. This is normal for what you are going through and it will pass. No one is actually prepared for loss and it's not being prepared that shakes and uproots us all after death.
Lets face it, saying goodbye is never easy. How can you get to the next day if you are in pain? You do so by knowing you loved or gave whatever you could to someone who is no longer with you. If you did not have the best relationship, forgive yourself and let go. Maybe it was illness or a sudden accident, whatever it was that caused your loss and grief, you are not alone. Sometimes remembering the good times brings about healing.
Stop being hard on yourself. You may think you can't live without this person, but you can. You can live and go on to be everything you were born to become. Their life may be over in this reality, but I am sure their existance is not over, and you can still feel them around you. Take that as a gift and allow yourself whatever time you need to move on. Remember moving on is not saying you no longer care, but that you are able to live with what has happened and may have found a new way to live with that loss.