Author Johanna Sparrow
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Where Do You Stand in Your Relationship?

December 5, 2016

Knowing where you stand when it comes to dating is crucial to your next move.

 

 

Dating is not always fair and yes you can end up with a broken heart if you aren’t careful. Here’s my advice, ask the tough questions first and I promise it will save you all the emotional heartaches down the road.  Just because you are into someone does not mean they are into you the same way, here is where you must be direct in knowing where things are going and not be a people pleaser.  I am sure you are a wonderful person to be in a relationship with, but you are not going to know if the other person is interested in the same thing if you don’t ask them.  Sure some folks are afraid to love and hold back their feelings; you just have to know if that is something you are willing to put up with in a relationship. You should never be afraid of saying how you feel or telling someone what you want.  If things are not going the way you want them too, maybe you should walk away, I mean once you have the answers you want, you can trust your feelings.

 

 

Do I really need to push the issue of a relationship?

 

Of course you do, especially if you are the kind of person who loves hard and finds it hard to walk away.  If you are not getting the answers you are looking for that person is not ready for you simple and plain.  I understand how hard it is for people to discuss issues about being in a relationship, but you have to do it to grow. Forget everything you know about dating since you are not getting the results you are looking for and focus on a new way to approach dating.  Be willing to listen to what is being said to you and know you will not always be able to change someone’s mind.  Some people who you are going out with may have commitment issues and may see you trying to get into their heart as something scary.  Not everyone is you when it comes to knowing what you want; some folks are not willing to be vulnerable to anyone.

 

 

 Can Having Sex Make The Process Easier?

 

No, it does not; it complicates things and gives you false hope.  If you base your feelings on having sex with the person you are dating without straight answers, you may be playing yourself.  Sex will never secure your position no matter how good you think you are if the other person is not looking for a committed relationship.  Speak your peace on the things you want from the other person, if they are not in agreement with you and your feelings, they are not worth having sex with and you should walk away.   Only you know when the time is right to have that talk even if you are afraid of the answers.  It’s simply your responsibility to know where you stand in any relationship.   Sex without knowing if you are dating or working towards a committed relationship will leave you with hurt feelings and a blender of mixed relationship emotions that could have been avoided.  My advice is stay clear of having sex while getting to know someone especially if you don't know where you stand or risk catching feelings you will struggle with later.   

 

Face it, building a strong relationship is all about getting to know that person's likes and dislikes and when you throw sex into the mix making it a sexual relationship, you miss out on the basic building blocks for building a strong relationship.  When you have the relationship you are supposed to have and know where you stand with the other person, sex can be wonderful, intoxicating and soul connecting.  You simply can't experience that level of intimacy if you don't know the person or how they truly feel about you or see you in their world.   Don't allow your need to connect with someone to be built on sex.  Reserve sex for a deeper connection with the person you are dating and build your relationship on getting to know everything about them first.  

 

 

 

Below is a list of things you can do to build on your relationship:  

 

  • Ask the right questions early on in the dating process.

  • Ask if they are ready to date exclusively.

  • Listen to what is being said to you and ask more questions.

  • Know what you want and don't settle for anything less.

  • Be willing to walk away if the other person is not looking for the same thing.

  • Know you can't always change someone’s mind if they are afraid of being in a relationship.

  • Don't build your relationship on sex; it will only let you down later.

  • Take your time getting to know the other person.

  • Don't be a people pleaser.

  • Don't be afraid to say no or walk away.

  • Don't be the only one in love at the end of the day. 

  • The more things you connect on in the dating process, the closer you are in having the relationship you want taking they are ready. 

 

I've learned over the years that building the right relationship with someone is hard work, but if you start off asking the right questions you will most likely end up on the side of love and happiness.  You must know what is important and what is not.  Know what looks like one-night stand behavior and how to build a connection.   Knowing when to kiss is important or having a walk in the park hand in hand is crucial.   No one wants to catch feelings through a sexual encounter so stop using sex as the building tool for a more serious relationship.  Learn to keep your hands off the other person until you know they are yours and want to be with you in a relationship.  Stop cycling in and out of love based on looks and feelings.  Know where you stand or you will allow your intimate heart pain and rejection.   Trust me there is nothing sweeter than knowing if the other person is worth the time and effort.

 

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