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Overcoming Male on Male Rape

The thought of male on male rape is something that is rarely talked about and for good reason, men don’t get raped I'm told, but they do.

This was said to me by a dear friend of mine who found himself fighting for his very life one night when he was raped by someone he thought he knew. Who can a man tell when he’s the victim of rape?

Why did he not fight back is just some of the things that were mentioned to him along the way by so-called family and friends? Could you be gay or have wanted it to happen?

These questions sound a little over the top and farfetched, but they are true and men who are victims of rape hear them far too often. Rape is something someone doesn't want to talk about even if it can bring about healing because of the stigma that is associated with it especially if you are a man who was raped.

Many men live in silence and the fear of what has happened to them afraid to tell a soul. Why do people feel men can’t be raped? Why is there so much judgment when it has happed? Why is rape campaigns more focused on male on female rape, child rape or abuse instead of male on male rape? Let’s face it, not enough is being said about the thousands of young men who are victimized everyday by other men.

Breaking the silence on male on male rape is what I am aiming to do. Young men are finding themselves alone through this process ashamed of telling their story and using their voice. Society does not make it easy for a rape victim especially when that victim is a male. Trusting others becomes a daily struggle along with fear and rage. Being violated and forced down by another man is not easy for many to comprehend in this day and age, but the struggle to survive it is real. Society is made to look the other way while our sons and brothers are violated. A loss of manhood is what is left after such an attack. It’s not your fault and you should never take the blame for something that was done to you against your will. Below is a way to start the process of getting your life back.

  • Get checked out by your doctor or at the nearest hospital.

  • Know that it’s not your fault!

  • Report the rape to your local police department. The more you can remember about the person, the better it will assist law enforcement in removing this individual off the streets.

  • Speak with a spiritual advisor to help with the many stages of grief you will experience.

  • Keep a journal of your emotions and feelings from day to day.

  • Trusting others will take some time and that’s okay.

  • Learn patience since you will be out of sorts from time to time as well as questioning your sexuality.

You will want answers for your troubling mind and find there is not enough information out there for male on male rape. Know that you will go through a grieving process of sadness, anger, depression, shame and guilt just to name a few. Life as you know it will be over, at least that is what your mind will tell you since you feel helpless. Getting others to hear you or listen to your story will not be easy and you grow tired of telling your story. Know the more you use your voice in shedding light on this horrible event the more aware other young men like yourself will know what steps to take going forward.

No man wants to be looked down on or made to feel as if he will always be a victim, but if you don’t talk about what has happened to you and how you survived it, others may never know how to heal past the victim stage. You can’t go back and change what has happened to you, moving forward is the road you must take. You will feel as if you could or should have done a million things to stop the attack, but know that it is your mind trying to make reason of what happened. The most damage you can do to yourself is blame yourself for what took place, this is not a healthy way of thinking. You may have frozen up or went numb when you were being raped because it was that unreal. You will struggle to be in your own skin or being around other males because trust is loss. This is not the time to lock yourself away from the world; it will not help you in the healing process. If you know who did this to you, cut all contact and report them if you haven’t. Never worry about what others will think of you and keep people around who are supportive. Rape destroys lives from the inside out leaving one an empty shell, but it does not have to be this way. Always push through your feelings by using your voice and knowing you are a survivor.

Who can you call?

There are many programs out there to help you. The first place you would want to check is your state and government sites.

rain, Rape Abuse & Incest National Network at 1-800-656-4673

Joyful Heart Foundation, 1 in 6 Partnership and 1 Blue String; Supporting Male Survivors

To locate a rape crisis center in your area you can search the internet.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255

For Depression you can visit, Your Life Your Voice at 1-800-448-3000

24 hours prayer hotline, Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN) 1-877-731-1000. For those who seek spiritual counsel.

You will be more vigilant than you’ve ever been in your life going forward and trusting other males will be something you find yourself struggling with daily. Your life is not over no matter what has happened and more so know that it was never your fault.

Anger, Shame & Guilt

As a rape victim you will struggle with getting past anger, shame and guilt, but know that each step you take you will become stronger. Once you get through the process of self-blame you will see things the way they are and will learn how to channel the anger, shame and guilt you feel throughout the day. As long as you have a strong support team around you, getting to a place where you feel safe again will soon follow. Stop trying to make sense of what has happened to you. Below is a list of things you may find yourself going through on the daily basis.

  • Disbelief

  • Embarrassment

  • Rage

  • Loss of appetite

  • Fear of other men

  • Thoughts of hurting your attacker

  • Helplessness

Each one can leave you feeling heavy and worn-down about the state of what has happened to you. Know that there is help out there for you and knowing where to look is important. Once you wrap your mind around moving on and making yourself safe and free of self-blame, you will find yourself in a new place within your own skin. The price to get to this place will not be easy, but if you have survived rape know that you can get through this moment in your life no matter what your mind is telling you. Don’t be afraid to reach out for assistance or talk to someone when you can’t take the pain or fear of being victimized. Know that the pain you are feeling is real and your mind will try to hold on to what has happened to you as a way of protecting you. Reliving the attack through your mind will be a constant battle you will struggle with and learning when or how to turn your mind off or distract it from the trauma you experience will help you release the anger you feel inside.

Keep your head up and never allow anyone to make you feel uncomfortable about whom you are or the things you’ve experienced. You are strong and an overcomer who voice will not only help you move on but others to overcome just as you have.

I love discussions on abuse issues such bullying and rape, which is why I plan to release a new self-help book that covers just that topic alone, “ICode; Breaking the Silence on Child Incest,” July 27th 2016 on Amazon.

I’ve been writing for over 18 years and have published a variety of books from children’s books to self-help books dealing with relationship, personal growth and conflict issues. As a relationship expert, life couch and author helping others is what I do. Ask Johanna Consulting service is created for my readers and those who have questions pertaining to love and life issues.

Visit me at or on Amazon at

New self-help book releases coming in 2016: The Seven Sins of Love

Reach me on Social Media: Twitter: Johanna sparrow @SparrowJohanna

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