You've found out that your mother is spending more and more time with your brother's wife or girlfriend and you're sensing they've been talking about you behind your back. Moms has some explaining too do, but don't hold your breath because the only one she's talking too is her new daughter. Your sister- in-law seems to think she's got it all figured out and it's all about her, think again. Somehow the new daughter, feels that you are jealous of her, I wonder where she got that from? The last thing you see yourself as is jealous and your mother knows this, but she loves these little tit for tat games. One thing is for sure, they have issues at home, taking a new mother is part of their game, I see. What's clear is, you know your mother like the back of your hand, this new female doesn't have a clue, but they think they do because your mother has changed the roles and they are walking in shoes that are too big for them. Should you say something or tell them what's real? They seem to think they know you or the situation more than you with one side of the story, but at this stage, who cares.
You have played this game with your mother more than you would like to say, but your mother's new daughter has it in her mind that this is new, wrong. Watching your mother's relationship with someone is like missing the last two steps and falling on your face, it gets old, but only if this person knew this is how your mother acts. In fact she is not the first person to say bad things about her relationship too you, but how do you stop a fool for thinking it's all about them? What is sad is seeing how young women get sucked into thinking your mother is wonderful when she acts that way, disowning her own daughter for someone else, is simply not cool and speaks to the level of parenting for that person. Funny how seeking to get to know mom's new daughter will take going through her first, is it because she stabbed you in the back more times than you can count by throwing your realtionship overboard? Don't you find it strange that someone's mother can be close to you, but mistreat or talk neagtive about their own child behind their back? There is nothing more hurtful and disrespectful than a no good for nothing mother.
Who gave the new daughter permission to step too you about some old history you have with your own mother? Wait a minute girl, don't lose your cool over this, you are getting in the middle of something that is older than you and trust me that you are not the only female in the family. Can't you see the hazardous signs ahead warning you of a war torn mother-daughter relationship ahead. But I see that you don't care nor do you give a damn! Some mothers have a way with the new female on the block when it comes feeding them into beliving everything is about them and the daughter is all but gone!
I see that you have taken sides, wrong move! Your chance to get to know everyone in the family has been intercepted by dear, sweet, mom and I bet she is not allowing you to talk to her ungrateful and mean daughter, now is she? If anyone understands what this daughter is going through or have been going through, it's you.
Just a few days ago you were flatlining on your on issues with your mother and now you have placed judgement and taken sides against somthing that has been happening before you ever existed! Silly you, what awaits you time will tell, I take it your relationship will be over before you realize it and your loyalty will be given to someone else, open your eyes before it's too late. What's even worse is that you think you know what's going on, you haven't gotten a clue! How are you just going to walk into someone else's role, and not expect judgement! Whatever is going on in someone else's relationship is not your fight nor should you place judgement on it. Why are mothers so into destroying their daughters lives with rejection? That's a question for you to answer if you are thinking about getting yourself in between a mother and daughter's war zone. If you don't stop it you will believe that you are the true daughter, the thought alone makes me laugh! How navie and childish to ever feel you can replace someones role. You can be a part of a new family without being pulled into someone else's battle. The moment you take sides is the moment the universe will take sides against you.
I've said this time and time again, if a woman sells out her own child to get close to you, what in the hell will she do to you on mad day? Did the converstaion sound like this? My daughter and I are not close.
I tried to get close to my daughter but I don't know what's wrong? You and I can still have a mother and daughter relationship.
Now you find yourself tearing down your relationship with your parents in order to build one with someone who does not mind telling you the weaknesses of their relationship with their own child, red flashing light!
What type of mother excludes her daughter and builds one with you in her place?
What type of mother dismisses her daughter?
What type of mother denies her daughter for a better relationship with someone else?
What type of mother talks behind her daughter's back to other young women in the family?
What type of mother tells other women that her daughter is jealous of them, when it's not true?
What type of mother flaunts her new found relationship in her daughter's face?
A woman who has not grown up is the type of woman that seeks to destroy her daughter's life with neglect, abondadment, rejection and gossip. Being on this side of the fence, can leave one heartbroken if they are not strong enough. If your intentions are not to hurt anyone, don't be a pawn in your mother-in-laws tricks and games to hurt her daughter. It takes a strong woman to see this and walk away whether she has a strong relationship with her own mother or not! A real mother builds and brings people together not pulls them a part.
A relationship between a mother and daughter should be special and how well is that mother who is trying to love you should be demostrated in her ability to love her own daughter and if that is not happening, you just met a different verson of your own mother in someone else. As a daughter-in-law you should never be replacing anyone, but have your own place in the family, enough said!
Johanna's Personalized Prescription
For healing mother-daughter relationship Betrayal.
Put yourself in the other person's shoes.
Learn how to forgive and move on.
Stay out of the past, stick to the present.
Set realistic boundaries.
If you are taking part in something like this, I caution you to take a step back. If not you will find yourself later on down the line going through this in some crazy way.
What comes around goes around and in time you will see that, but for now, show respect because you get along with someone's mother does not make them the mother of the year, if she is treating her daughter like shit!!!!
To learn more of Johanna's views on mother-daughter relaitonships pick up January 20, 2016 or visit www.johannasparrow.com