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When The Spark is Gone!

The thrill and excitement is gone in your relationship and you know it's gone to take more than a passive approach to get it all back.

It's clear that being in love usually doesn't last forever for some. In this case you find yourself working harder for love and all it offers only to be plagued by past issues and insecurities. News flash, your relationship should be growing and not losing its spark after a bump in the road. If this is the case be willing to look at the role you may be playing in the developmental stages of your relationship along with your partner. Are you adding to the stress level or taking away? Do you know what you want from your relationship? If so don't stray away from it for anyone. You are the best person to know if you have the right person in your life or not. Either you connect or you don't it's just that simple. Maybe you have a lot of things in common, if so connect through them. For many couples these days dating and falling in love is never the issue, it’s when the honeymoon stage of the relationship is over that causes the biggest upset. You expect to be the center of that person's world, their affection while holding their attention which intoxicates both you mentally, spiritually and sexually, but neither you nor your partner are interested. The honeymoon stage of a new relationship ends around the six or eight month period and looking to the next level can be stressful for both people.

You notice more things about your partner that you were too blinded by love to see in the early stages of dating. You find you may not be as compatible as you thought, but rather than talk things out, you assume the worse.

Every relationship has its ups and downs and battles the issues of growth in a relationship. Are we still close? Does my partner still find me attractive? Why am I not in the mood for sex? These are just a few of the feelings you will have when dealing with the loss or spark in your relationship. If you have been on the tail end of having no spark in your relationship, you may be battling unpleasant moments with that person you once loved being around. A loss of spark in your relationship will always bring about arguments, you're not sure why fussing becomes an issue when the spark is gone in a relationship, but it does 99% of the time. Everything is an issue and you find that your partner gets on your nerves like none other. You start to hate being in the same space. Where are these feelings coming from? There is no way around it, you must face it or grow further apart.

Your arguments are more intense and you see your partner as your opponent rather than your lover. Could it be with the loss of the spark in your relationship, you are not allowing yourself to connect on a sexual level as well? Are you sexually frustrated by your partner’s behavior? You may not be in the mood for love when you're mad at someone, but not having sex will only push you both further apart. It's clear there is a battle happening and it's up to you to find out what the heck is going on and why to save your relationship. I am not saying the responsibility of the relationship working falls only on your shoulders, no that's not the case, but someone must take a step back to see what is tearing them apart.

What's Really Going On?

Having a successful relationship is not achieved by pointing fingers at the other person in the relationship for not doing what you want. That way of behaving is clearly not going to make things better, only worse. You mention things have been stressful lately or over the past few days, weeks or months it has taken a toll on your relationship. What is wrong? Find out if the stress in your life is within or without. Things happening in your home may take you handling them with a different approach. When something stresses you outside of your home, you may need to leave it where ever it is and by not bringing it home with you.

If you are in a position to take some time for yourself, do so. If you need to change jobs, push away from other loved ones, do so for now or simply set clear limits and boundaries with those involved. If you are dealing with health issues known as stress within, focus on getting yourself better and be patient with your partner or yourself as you know. Nothing happens overnight.

Below is a list of ways to get that old spark back in your relationship:

  • Make time for your partner.

  • Kiss longer and deeper, you know like you did when you first met.

  • Have the same attitude and excitement you did when you first met and started dating.

  • Flirt throughout the day, via text and email. Just be playful.

  • Don't be afraid to try or do new things together.

  • Try something different in the bedroom.

  • Listen to what your partner is saying.

  • Share your feelings and not just the bad, but those good feelings.

  • Learn to laugh more with each other.

  • Complement each other and mean it.

  • Spend less time around people who are unhappy.

  • Have a picnic in the middle of your bedroom floor.

  • Give a full body massage to each other.

  • Show small displays of affection like kissing or holding hands.

The more you do to recapture the flame in your relationship, the stronger your relationship will be in all areas including in the bedroom. It's not uncommon for you to not always be in the mood for your partner, but you must work to avoid this way of thinking or behaving since it can only dissolve your relationship. What works for other relationships may not work for you or it may, step out of the box in your relationship by loving and nurturing your partner the way you want to be loved and nurtured. Sometimes teaching your partner what you want and like may have a lot to do with showing them rather than telling them. A healthy relationship is always based on listening, communicating, respect and loyalty.


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